


love until ash and bones

by beaubcxton



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Angst, F/M, Historical Fantasy, might edit it soon so im sorry for this, people have said this is sad so, vague nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 14:15:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15731085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beaubcxton/pseuds/beaubcxton
Summary: 'you're a mortal and i'm an immortal so i really shouldn't be falling for you but I have and now i look for you every century' au





	love until ash and bones

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elanev91](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elanev91/gifts).



> For Elle, on her birthday. I love you x

Millennia later, they would say it happened slowly. It was like a trickle of water slowly nourishing the roots of time. But to a god, it happened fast. A whirlwind of years trapped in a second and then…it was gone.

* * *

 

He didn’t know then. How could he? It was too surreal, too fantasy like. Too ridiculous for a skeptic. And so when his eyes fell onto a lady dressed in white, he did not question her beauty. He gazed at her starry eyes, the curve of her lips and the freckles that dusted her nose. And he knew she was divine. He didn’t realize he was more right than he could possibly know.

* * *

 

Dear reader,

The story that I about to recount is an extensive one spinning civilizations and burning time. It is a tragedy fit for the Greeks and Romans. There is betrayal, there is love and there is exploit.

This is a myth that has a poignant finale.

* * *

It was absolutely ludicrous of her mother. Absolutely ridiculous that her mother thought that wearing a long stuffy gown was pretty and fit.

 Of course, the dress was beautiful, gorgeous even. As she walked, protected by the shade of the cool and crisp pine tree, she had been the victim of many leers and glances that were thrown her way.

 She tried not to let the resentment burn her; it had been rather gracious of her mother to send her here. 

‘Here’ was a cobblestone village. It had a bleak sight to offer; the men were absolutely ridiculously bad looking; grime and mud marred their face and their eyes were fixed upon her. The women were better off; only scoffing about  _how the beige dress was a little too much, isn’t it Jane?_  when they passed her. The rooftops were dusty brown and the streets reeked of robbery and rotten eggs. A young boy runs past her then, feet tickling the brown murky water. He splatters some onto Lily and she grimaces. 

It was quite unlike the events that her sister participated in; balls where a lady’s sole duty was to charm, dance without much enthusiasm, nod and drink wine under the eyes of ancient old paintings.

She should have been rather grateful. And yet. 

Celebration, however, was not the reason for her arrival. She had been claimed with a purpose, bestowed by her very own self.

* * *

  

 _“Love and electricity are one in the same,”_  her mother had told her when times were good. “ _If you do not feel the jolt in your soul every time a kiss is shared, a whisper is spoken, a touch is felt, then you’re not really in love at all.”_

Lily didn't know that she had to thank a mortal for that advice. She believed it to be her mother’s wise words; parting and fading warmth.

Decades later, she will realize that her mother hid something from her.

A truth.

Sometimes, a glance is all it takes for electricity to shudder through your bones and whiskey to dance in your blood.

* * *

She strolled through the streets of Paris, giggling to herself every time she noticed a kiss being shared in the shadows. You must excuse her lack of sense now and in the times to come. Affection was not something she was familiar with. Her family were disgusted by love and its weakness and often resorted to ‘tough love’ though it was tougher than love. And with the matter of boys, she had never been victim to a relationship. Sometimes, she had often sighed when her fellow friends blushed beet red when boys serenaded them with poetry and roses. Sometimes, she had sighed. Often, she was glad.

She let herself be taken in with the hustle of Parisians late to work and allowed herself the luxury of a honey dipped, freshly baked croissant. Shining, she bit into it and melted internally. Soon, cottages blurred together and she found herself lost.

 Unlike most people, she was rather glad about the adventure and similar to a hitch-hiker, walked steadily ahead; head raised and lips daring and firm.

She met trouble soon, too soon.

* * *

It was a man, of course.

It always was.

He was average height, perhaps taller than her and he currently was being towered by three very big and buff men.

Instead of surrendering to defeat, he still thrashed and fought landing a punch here and there. Hundreds of years of training helped her assess the scene quickly. A woman dressed in black was cowering behind a wall, her shadow nearly unnoticeable for the untrained eye. Her cover was blown as her shadow kept fluttering along with the prominent sound of sniffling and heavy breaths.

Furious, Lily wanted to run towards her and protect. It wasn’t a wise decision. Neither was announcing her presence to the fighters but being reckless, she decided one was off the lesser two evils.

As the heroic teenager collides with the pavement, Lily makes an impulsive decision oddly accepting that was some truth in her mother’s so-called wisdom. She certainly had no self-control when she does it.

She jumps away from the wall, smoothening her dress when it ruffles and flashes a charming smile to her-now- opponent’s shocked ones.

* * *

 

The men fumble with their knives gaping at her in bewilderment.

“Apologies, my lady, for meeting like this.”

“We would love to shake your hand but due to circumstances,” a voice chimes.

She hums thoughtfully though her mind races.

“What’s going on, here?”

“Just teaching this boy-“the assumed leader lands a kick on the scrawny boy on the street,  “a lesson, nothing you need to worry about.”

A flare of irritation ignites. “And I suppose you know what I need to worry about. What grave crime has he done to face such treatment? Perhaps, if it worse than I imagine, I will see it to the punishment myself.”

The men’s eyes light up while the teenager’s quickly dims.

“Don’ some thing a missus shdn’t hear, he has.”

“Plus, he looks like an ass.” a voice mumbles.

She holds their eyes for a minute, enough time for the boy to get up. One of the men notices however and the teenager goes down again with a groan. Lily huffed and swung an arm. They hardly have time to react. One by one, they fall howling and cursing, the look of stupefied wonder etched on their faces before unconsciousness took them. Satisfied, she makes her way to the woman in the back and ushers her away warning her to keep safe and rejecting the gratitude. When the woman – she’s barely 20- runs, Lily hefts the teenager on the ground up.

He looks at her as if she’s told him she’s a goddess and then his eyes slide onto the injured. She almost laughs when his eyes widen- like onions, her mother would say- and then, a pained laugh escapes him. He smiles at her widely and says,  _The nam’s James._ And then, like the strong valiant hero he is, he collapses in her arms.

* * *

She panics at first. And then, she curses.

Fanning him doesn’t seem to help but she still repeats the motion and summons water and splashes it onto his face. Moaning, he opens his mouth and gags next to her. She cringes as she looks at the yellow on the tips of her shoes but pats his back as he coughs. Gradually, they subside and he weakly closes his eyes and accepts the water- he gives her a weird look when she hands him a bottle- sipping him like its poison and then chugging it down.

“Sorry about that.”

She mutters out a  _sokay._

They take a minute for him to catch his breath and then:

“I cannot believe that you took out three fat ass guys in three minutes.” ****

She nods. “I noticed you were rather skilled at it.”

James, as he introduced himself, smiled unabashedly. “Rather unexpected for a woman-don’t hit me-but quite thrilling to watch.”

She lets her lips form a smile and stares at him. In their haste to get away, she had only observed twinkling brown eyes which promised mischief but now, now. He was a teenager, too lanky, too tall, and too happy. His eyes captured her attention; Aphrodite surely had crafted him. He catches her staring and bows and she tries not to think about how countless men have mocked his stance in the past.

“I must apologize for our meeting.. I would like to say that today was my exception but I am not fond of lies.”  

She tilts her head sideways and inspects him thoughtfully.

“Mind telling me why I found the need to rescue you and a woman cowering?”

He colors and runs a hand through his locks. “Heat of the moment.”

“Elaborate.”

Sighing, “I-Those men were harassing that lady”- she notices the use of lady and not woman and is pleasantly surprised- “and well, I couldn’t stand for it.”

She blinks.

“I’m sorry for dragging you into it.”

His honey-dipped voice lulls her to some forgotten dream which she cherishes.

Uneasy with the silence, he plows on. “I really am. I wish I could-“

She hums. “And how are you going to make it up to me?”

Surprised, he doesn’t answer.

“I’d say a tour of the city would suffice to pay for your bravery.” She grins, liking the way the fat piled on his cheekbones.  “Would you be up to that?”

He gives her a questioning look but nods and laughs. “For you, my lady.”

* * *

_“She kept visiting Earth later on. Mostly for a certain mortal, I’d assume. I never really did associate myself with freaks like her. First, she fell in love with a mortal and then being the perfect image of a goody-shoes, she took care of disgusting children. It is a fact that if a woman touches the mud and grime of the unworthy, she is not fit to be a lady. Perhaps, there is honor in that for the weak. She lifted woman up- nodded her head like a dummy when they asked if they could wear pants- and cried when her ‘warriors’ fell in battle. To be truthful, I’d assume she was an untouchable if I didn’t know better. “_

-           _From the diary of Goddess Petunia. Time unknown._

* * *

She grins at him charmingly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and pretending not to notice how his eyes trailed the movement.

“Where would you like to go, my lady?”

Already so bloody charming.

“Wherever, if you will.”

He squints at her, suddenly. “This isn’t one of your tricks, right? Use me to get a father pissed so you can marry a slightly better off bloke?”

She flushes and strides away.

He gently touches her wrist and she pushes them away immediately surprised at the shock.

Gently laughing at her over-reaction, he asks, “Is it?”

“No, you prick.”

He raises his eyebrows. “Already so informal, my lady?”

She’s quick to remember that it’s still the sixteenth century and this act could have gotten her much pain had she been from a normal family so she immediately curtsies and apologizes.

He laughs and she thinks it’s a beautiful sound for a stranger. It was like his voice, warm, husky and enriched with honey. Astoundingly, she remembers that James Potter was a stranger, could very well be a murderer for all she knew and so with an internal sigh, she rebukes herself when her mind thinks that his laugh was a sound that she could listen to forever.

“No need for all that.”

Bells toll in the distance and she’s brought out of her musings.

He winks at her charmingly though he blushes soon after.

“I know just where to take you.”

* * *

A man passes her on the street and leers at her; yellow teeth and eyes shining.

Accustomed to it after decades of constant surveillance, she had come to the realization that most men, if not all, were swayed by desire, lust, and fame. And so it was with great delight that Lily found solace in James. Instead of the usual, o _h lets touch her breast and run_ , James stared at her with awe and wonder and she found that she’d rather liked it.

For he certainly wasn’t like any man she observed. Unlike the cautious haughty and taunting men who accompanied cold and distant ladies, Mr. Potter had tripped on his shoelaces thrice since she had met him; it had been thirty-seven minutes exact if you must know. He had blushed, apologized and not asked her if she was a damsel in distress and wiggled his eyebrows when she claimed that she definitely wasn’t. Certainly a first.

And unlike most men, he did not take her to his bedroom to show her his ‘special historical antiques.’ No, he took her to his mother’s.

* * *

 Euphemia Potter was a very kind lady. Five minutes after meeting her, Lily had a newfound respect for mortals and decided that some of them were more worthy of immortality than the current holders. Still, she was the type of lady to refuse immortality even if you handed it to her in chocolate. Her eyes were similar to her son’s- full of joy and mischief and they were framed by wrinkles. She had a very welcoming smile and soon, Lily felt like she was at home.

* * *

The Potter Mansion was big, certainly not as big as her own palace but large enough that several things made sense. Mrs. Potter- she insisted on Mia but Lily felt rather strange adjusting to it- asked her son to pull out a chair for  _darling Lily_  and gave her a cold glass of water.

“I should like to think that a beautiful young woman like you wasn’t alone in the presence of men or rather  _boys-_ here the person of discussion gave his mother a rather cold look though it was more out of faux necessary- like James, alone. Especially in times like this.”

“It is the truth.”

James twirls the glass of water in his hands and tilts his head. “Why?”

 Mrs. Potter gives a startled cry. “James!”

Lily laughs politely. “It’s alright, Mrs. Potter. My parents died last year.” She pauses for effect. “I have an older sister but we don’t keep in touch.”

James avoids her eyes as if he doesn’t understand the concept of loss. “Im sorry for your loss.”

Euphemia smiles sadly. “Let us know if we can do anything, alright?”

Of course, none of this is true. Her family is very much alive. She feels rather guilty lying to both of them but she cannot let them know that. She knew her place in this city; a meek woman living alone. It was the only way she could achieve the freedom and blending that she desperately wanted.  She might have a problem maintaining her cover as the personality she was trying to exhibit was certainly the very opposite of her fiery loud self.

* * *

Lunch was delicious. While servants kept catering to the gods every need, the food was extraordinary. Euphemia, herself, had cooked the meat and as it melted in my mouth, Lily had sighed in contenment. The food they ate at home was fit for the gods but the food she devoured here felt like home. As the honey coated fruit pie was served, she wondered how she had complained just a few hours ago.

* * *

They left soon after. James deciding he’ll take Lily out instead of her listening to his mother ramble about James’s early childhood. The topic was not as dull as it seemed. Instead, it was funny and charming, a total change to the politics that were droned to her usually. Two hours into her visit and she had learned that James had an insane fear of water when he was a child- still do, Euphemia had grinned- and had run out of the tub multiple times, screaming and flapping his hands. Their parting was rather bittersweet, Euphemia convinced that she would see her again and Lily reluctant to go, knowing it would be her last visit with the person who treated her more like a daughter than her own mother.  They said their goodbyes and left. Lily grinned when she noticed Euphemia throw a wink her son’s way.  

* * *

_“It is with terrible and scarring anger that I etch my quill onto this parchment. The lure of mortals astound me but the stupidity of my daughter pains me. Mortals are many things, beautiful and vain but they are also cruel and jealous creatures. I have been wronged too many times by the likes of them. I am her mother and it is only with good intention that I will take action.”_

_-A rare excerpt from the diary of Goddess Evans._

* * *

We all know what’s going to happen so I, the writer am not going to elaborate on their day. Let the following sentences suffice, however, so you may truly understand the depth and love of humanity.

* * *

He took her everywhere. Paris was the largest city in Europe at the time and he wasted no minute in exhibiting his city’s wonders. He took her to Tuileries Palace and to the Louvre-  _though it was far hardly a show as it is now-_  and they stepped in churches, quietly drinking the serenity and beauty of the buildings.

In the evening, their mirth (and feelings) were bubbling as they stepped into a crowded opera.

James held her hand and pulled her through the crowd and towards the benches. They sat down (and he didn’t release his firm grip on her palm, instead rubbing it with his thumb, ignoring the flutters in his stomach) Leaning next to her so he could be heard over the cacophony of chattering, he murmured.“C'est la première compagnie d'opéra de France. Il a été fondé par Louis XIV”

She nods. Louis the Great or the Sun King. The gods had mixed feeling about him. Lily for one felt a sense of foreboding whenever his name registered in her mind.

They had an amazing time. The singing was wonderful but James was legendary; giggling behind his palm everytime a singer reached a particular note. 

* * *

_When I saw you, I fell in love and you smiled because you knew- Shakspeare_

* * *

Everyone knew James was wonderful. He helped his mother, helped that child who scraped her knee and made people laugh until they cried. Lily knew he was a wonderful person. What made him extraordinary was the below :

“You took me to a bookstore.” 

He did even if he did complain as they climbed a dozen steps.

He looks a little wary. “I thought you might like it.”

She smiles at him through her sudden tears.

He curses.

“My mother, she never does any of this for me. Nor my sister.”

She registers what she’s said too late. James’s eyes widen a little and he glances at her and bites his lip. “Well, they sure are idiots.”

* * *

“Pardon, you’ve read Jean Marlot?”

And he looks so surprised like its an obvious answer.

And she grins like the secret nerd she is and murmurs,  _its such a great book._ And then, he keeps looking at her, a tender gaze at first and then an intense one, those gazes that you’ll never forget.

“Can I kiss you?”

She makes a startled sound and he snaps out of his daze and blushes wildly immediately but he doesn’t take it back. Her heart is hammering so fast but she faintly makes out a nod, barely noticing how a smile takes over his face before she shuts her eyes and then she feels him leaning him and she keeps thinking,  _James. James. James_. She forgets for a minute that she’s leaving at midnight. Forgets that she wont see James again because in this moment, it is only them.

And he dips his head, holds her palm in his hand, gently as if she’s a fragile thing and she’s going to break if he’s not careful and then his breath ghost over her face like a wish. She knew that this was going to be the beginning and with that thought in mind, she seizes the moment, pushes forward and kisses him, hands running through his hair and then its something passionate which fades into something more sweet and soft.

Lily pulls away first and snorts at James squeak of indignation.

* * *

_My heart is, and always will be, yours- Jane Austen._

* * *

Sometimes, there is no happy ending for the gods, as well. If there were, Lily would have stayed, her feet planted on Earth and her hands secured in James but there isn’t. And she leaves him kissing him and denying him the truth.

_“Will I see you again?”_

She doesn’t respond; merely smiles before she is whisked away by the wind.

It is an ugly thing to see the gods cry. There are myths, assumptions, and bets whether and how the gods cry. Some believe that it comes down in the form of rain. It is a lie. The gods cry like any mortal does; harsh sounds, nail pressed into their palms; tears cascading like a waterfall. Mortals eventually stop but the gods never do. When they have eternity, why do they ever need to cease their grief? 

* * *

_“It seems like you’ve been busy, Lily.”_

_She tenses and shuts her eyes, fingers curling around the pashmina._

_“I wasn’t expecting you to win, to be honest.”_

_She exhales in relief._

_Her mother catches it and grins like a wolf._

_“I would say you’re your mother’s daughter but alas-“Her mother tsks. “I wouldn’t fall in love and that too with a mere pitiful mortal.”_

_She strides towards the doors, the guards opening it when she raps twice._

_Almost out the door, she remarks: “See that, it doesn’t happen again. Unless you, or rather he, would like to pay the ah, consequences, we shall say.”_

_She flashes a smile at Lily and glides away, the stars on her dress twinkling away._

* * *

“ “I have to go.” She whispers.

He smiles at her, a crooked lopsided one. “Then go.”

She kisses the corner of his mouth urgently. “No mortal can gaze at a god as she transforms into her unearthly and divine state for fear of being burnt to a nasty chip.

“I won’t look.” He promises sincerely. And Lily nods because it is nearly impossible to say no to him, especially if she wants to show him too.

She gently touches his warm lids and watches as he groggily shuts them and stills.

Letting go of his hand, she untangles the knot in her chest and exhales her worries away as she transforms. The heat cocoons around her basking her in light and warmth.

Whispering a goodbye, she burns, burns, burns.

* * *

_HER sister is waiting for her at home, her hands clenched around a glass of wine. From her furrowed brows to her posture, Lily observes that her sister is not a happy camper and with a great sigh, she shrugs off her lovely day and dons a protective mask._

_“Tuney.” She greets, stepping into the room._

_The woman in reference shoots her neck upwards, similar to a giraffe in water and stands up releasing her hold on the glass._

_“Tuney? Tuney?” She murmurs harshly. “That’s all you can say?”_

_Amending: “Weather quite nice, today.”_

_“I suppose you would know. Spending all that time with a mortal.”_

_“I-What do you want Petunia?”_

_Her sister viciously smiles. “Struck a nerve, have I?”_

_She doesn’t respond and Petunia, now beyond furious goes on. “All this time, all that privilege, you should have been doing something worthy, not parading in alleys with a thief.”_

_“He’s not a thief.”_

_“I should have known,” She stalks away from Lily, pinching her fingers, “I always knew you were odd, a freak and here is my proof.  A goddess flirting and swooning after a beggar!”_

_“What would you have me do, Petunia? Go dance and fall in love with someone like Vernon?”_

_The insult is too much to bear. Petunia realizes it and a second later, Lily realizes it._

_Petunia has struck her across the face._

_Lily stares at her sister’s red face in such bewilderment and despair that she can only release a pained call._

_“Tuney.’_

_“Don’t, don’t you dare.”_

_Neither say anything for a moment, each digesting their own thoughts and feelings._

_“I suppose Mother doesn’t know.” Glancing at Lily’s attempt at nonchalance, she continues disgusted, “I won’t tell her.”_

_She smiles, the first that Lily sees in a long time and her heart tugs and sinks all the while._

_“I suppose it is a rather fit punishment. You not being involved in my wedding and I not telling Mother at your attempt to be popular.”_

_Lily stares at her sister in shock and silence, surprised that it had come to this._

_“Don’t do this, Petunia.” She gazes at her coated with misery and wishes. “I’m your sister.”_

_“You aren’t mine.” She strikes again, smiling when pain filters through her victim’s eyes. “Goodbye, freak.”_

* * *

 

She always chose him. He never knew what she risked, how many times she suffered, how many times she bled and cried because she did not want to let go of ripe strawberries and god-like brown eyes.

* * *

She’s elevated above all. After a long time of restlessness, she is a goddess. Truly. Her horses neigh as they float and the gold in her chariot reflects in her eyes. She is a goddess and she is here to win.

Smirking at the look of befuddlement on her opponent’s face, she locks her eyes with him allowing him to notice the triumph in her eyes before she charges.

* * *

 

They made each other a happy song. Sometimes they met. Sometimes, they crossed paths on the subway or for coffee unaware that the person beside them was their soulmate. Their meeting was purely coincidental and fatal.  She was barred from finding him; laws restricted her but it did not stop her from tempting fates and hoping, hoping and hoping. She flipped a coin and waited in places where she hoped he’d be; a club, a bakery but he always arrived a minute early or a minute late and soon, she stopped jumping at the sight of a messy-haired gangly boy entering.

* * *

_Sometimes, they didn’t have to start over again._

* * *

 

“Lily.”

She turns startled by the pained song and sorrowful hope. And then, he is there. Just as kind, just as lovely, and just as damn attractive.

“James.” She cries folding herself in his warmth.

He hugs her back tightly and buries his face in the crook of her neck trailing her name in whispers.

She kisses himself and he chuckles against her lips, like he did the first time, and raises her and spins her.

“Lily.” He laughs.

She marvels at him and slides her fingers onto his face.

“You’ve got new glasses.” She inspects stupidly.

Another laugh followed by: “I have. Do you like them?”

She presses her lips onto his in an answer. “Love them.”

* * *

_Sometimes, there was no beginning._

* * *

She’s at a work thing because apparently, immortals have those too. She thinks about how her sister is warming up towards her as she gives her glass away with a tight smile.  _No more mortals,_  her sister had cried onto her shoulder, sniffing crocodile tears away. She couldn’t say anything because even though she hadn’t seen James in centuries, she could still remember every curve of him and every flutter he invoked.

The hall she was indistinctly reminded her of a stuffy bedroom at home but she brushed that thought away and entered the mansion practicing her introductory speech.

 “I am Lily Evans, CEO of the Evans Estate. A pleasure to meet you.”

She paces, head bowed and bumps into someone.

Blushing, she spills out an apology and immediately freezes when she hears the unforgettable rumble of a laugh. She raises her head and observes.

He standing in front of her, as charming and handsome as he had been decades before.

Shakily and almost unthoughtful: “James.”

“Lily,” he replied curtly. “We meet again.”

“You remember me.” She replies, stunned. “Truly?”

He goes straight to the point. “Of course, I do. You destroyed me.” He sneers at her confused and indignant face, bitterly. “Do you know I never dated? Never touched a woman?” He sighs wistfully. “All my friends, they dated, sang about love, cried about heartbreak. And  _I_? I was born  _with_  heartbreak. I didn’t understand why a girl would flutter in my dreams, why she would kiss my forehead and sing me to sleep. All I knew was that I loved her with all my heart and being.”

The tears roll down her face like crushed diamonds.

“As I grew older, I remembered.” He did remember. Not everything but flashes. A clink of glass that held wine. A lady’ laugh and the feeling of warmth against his sun. Grass between his toes and vivid green eyes. And  _Im a goddess, James._

“I could never like someone because I loved you. You stole away a future I could have.”

She knew she had. Love isnt planned; it sneaks upon you. Sometimes a mother’s words ring through and now, Lily wished she had never set foot on Earth.

“I am sorry. I never wanted to-”

“Never wanted to bewitch me?” He snarls, eyes flashing. “You’re a real goddess, alright.” He clenches his fingers. “Stay away from me.

She protests it immediately. “We love each other, James. What are you going to do? Pretend we don’t?”

“Nothing we ever had was real to begin with. What was I, Lily? A toy?”

She groans. “I did love you, James. I loved you with my head, my heart and my body. And you loved me too. You can’t pretend that what we had wasn’t honest and strong.” She looks up at him and softens. “You cant pretend that you dont want to kiss me right now.”

His silence makes her heart beat faster.

Then: “You ruined me, Lily. For 27 years, I have waited, pined and loved.” He chokes. “Where were you?”

She has no answer nor a consolation. She knows that for every moment she loved him, he spent every lifetime. “I detest myself. All I can say is I’m so so-”

He interrupts her apology by letting out an anguished sound, a mix of a cry and a longing. And then his lips are pressed against hers, chapped and firm. He tastes of rum and she remembers how he had said long ago how much he hated it. She lets herself get sucked in this dream hoping she’d never wake up but soon, he’s stepping away, resigned.

“Stay away.” He pleads.

She forces herself to nod. She knows he still loves her. They both do. She lets him walk away because there is still hope to change.

* * *

 

_It is difficult to hate but it is harder loving._

* * *

“ _So what can you do besides zap people?”_

_She would have been suspicious if someone else had asked her this. Perhaps it was a plan to cause her downfall. But this was James. He stretched his wide eyes at her now and imitated a doe grinning widely at her with child-like and lackluster excitement. She was mortified when she realized how well she knew him so she laughed._

_“I’m afraid I’m much too soft to take lives for tedious amusement, James”_

_“Then what do you do? Do you have powers? Do you-?”_

_She leans next to him, resting her back on the bench and sighing happily as the sun shone on her eyes. “One question at a time. If you will. And yes, I do have powers. I can’t use them for my own good though. Only to help people. And no, I can’t tell you what they are. I’m bound by law.”_

_He sits in silence chewing the information like it’s of great importance and perhaps then, he realizes how foolish it had been for he suddenly blushes, stands and holds out a hand._

_“Where to, my lady?”_

* * *

_The life of a mortal is hard, exhausting and tiring but the life of an immortal is even worst for there is no reprieve nor comfort. Endings are a dream and beginnings are nightmares._

* * *

“ _Lily, you are of age according to our standards.”_

_Elaine Evans glides in one day and seats herself on a mortal chair that Lily had insisted on, “it’s a massage chair, mother!” “hmm”  Seated on it now, her mother looks upon at her with such a warm bright smile that Lily remembers why her mother is known as the  Goddess of Family._

_She nods warily._

_“Amos was speaking to me the other day and you know how he is. Such a lovely boy.”_

_“I don’t have the right to judge his character as of yet.”_

_Her mother nods thoughtfully. “Ah, I suppose that will have to change.”_

_Seized by a sudden panic, she asked “Change, Mother?”_

_“Yes, change. I thought it’d be fantastic since he is planning to ask for your hand.”_

_Abandoning any pretense, her eyebrows jump. “My what?”_

_Feigning surprise, “Oh but surely you had to know that you were of age, Lily.”_

_“I don’t see how my age is related to marriage!”_

_“Calm down, Lily.” She waves her hand disregarding her protests. “Amos is a lovely god. Rather a small domain, only the god of Horticulture, he is but Zurich imagines it a fit match so I’d think he’d do.”_

_Lily understood the underlying meaning. Zurich was the Goddess of Prophecies and Paths. A rather ambiguous and powerful domain, her predictions often came true and she was hailed as all knowing. Perhaps, Amos might gain prestige and glory later on. Perhaps they would make a good match. Or perhaps, it was her mother trying to get rid of her. A more likely outcome was that her mother thought that a marriage to another man would delude her into thinking that she wasn’t in love with a mortal. Whatever it was, Lily wanted no part in it which is why she said: Yes._

* * *

_He groans and tosses on the bed, slapping a pillow on his ear after he hears his mother’s alarm call. And then, he jumps up running a hand through his sweaty locks. Its silent then and James closes his eyes and recollects._

_A woman in a floral dress spinning_

_Her melodic laugh vibrating in him as his lips touch her forehead._

_James, James, she calls_

_Tears_

_A flower_

_Lily, he realizes confused why the unfamiliar name caused a pang to shudder through him._

_“Boys!” His mother calls again startling him. He lets his feet touch the ground and pinches the bridge of his nose breathing heavily._

_“Are you sure you don’t want pancakes?”_

_Groaning, he wills the dream, or nightmare away and shuts the door behind him._

 

* * *

“I’m to be wed.”

He shoots his head towards her. “We’re supposed to marry.”

“The only reason I’m with you now is that I’m getting married.”

When she notices the look of hurt he masks, she continues, “My…family has always been shady with mortals. If I did not marry him, you would be gravely injured. It is sacrifice.

He holds her hands and she wonders at the strange tingling running in her marrow now. It feels like she’s drunk nectar and ambrosia. It is strangely wonderful what mortals can do. “I’d rather die than force your hand to a man who doesn’t see the light in your eyes.”

“It is my choice.”

He protests. “Surely you can do something. You’re a goddess.”

She smiles at his naivety. “I’m only a supporting character in this play, James.”

* * *

_Lily has fought many wars; some in the sky, great bolts of lightning flashing around her and some in her mind. James had fought both too and every time, a fresh wound surfaced, she wished she could magic it away._

“We can’t do this anymore, James.”

He sighs and rests his head. Eyes fixed at the sky, he clenches a jaw, not from anger but merely a way to staunch the flow of tears.

“I can’t keep doing this to you-to me.”

He’s going to tell her that he doesn’t care if he’s hurt if every moment of his life until he meets her is agony. She is his breath and he is hers. He wants to tell her that he’ll put up with the dreams, the nightmares. He wants to have more children with her, wants to marry her again and again and bring her tea. None of it matters when he sees her again. He wants to fall in love with her and her alone. He doesn’t say any of this to her, just says,  _I love you_  and nods.

It is perhaps, the greatest power of love. Denying what you so desperately want so someone else can get something they need. The abjuration of her love will crush him and tear him apart but he knows that for every second he wrestles, she mourns years.

She takes in his tears- _the defiant one that he repressed_ \- and wipes it from his face, smiling though it’s long been destroyed and silently tries to assure him that it’s okay, it’s okay, and it’s not.

She wanes then, the ghost of her kiss on his cheek still lingering and her love still beating.

 

* * *

He goes to Elysium that life.

James presses a hand on his left, hears the familiar pulse of life and falls in his memories of Lily. He runs through them, hardly cherishing just wanting to remember. He sucks his lips in, looks up at the dark jet black night and thinks of a flower.

He doesn’t scream as he jumps, doesn’t cry when the hands of the icy water of the river, Lethe tug him under, he sobs and thrashes when his mind fades. It is too late when air chokes him. Lily is gone.

* * *

_“As of today, I, Lily am wed. As much as I love being a goddess, it gets a little tiring sometimes and I lack the enthusiasm I had before I met James. It is not to worry. I find solace in the comfort of serving my gender and brightening the lives of the young. I missed James, especially today. I will never forget the way he spun me as we danced at our wedding. Our eyes were consumed by love and awe. A great difference to the way my husband looked at me today. It does not matter. To me and me alone, James is my only love and that emotion will sustain me till my immortality crumbles.”_

_-An excerpt of the late Goddess Lily._


End file.
